I Want You Back

I want you back for all the wrong, selfish reasons a human could have. I know you’re not in pain any more, and for that I’m glad, but damn it, I want you back. I want to hear your laugh one more time. I want to have one more conversation with you. I want to laugh when you can’t figure out some new fangled technology, but you can play on any of the game consoles without even looking at the buttons.
I want to see you smile that knowing smile when you pushed your husband’s buttons on purpose, then tell him you love him. I want to watch him roll his eyes and kiss you while you laugh. I want to watch in amazement as you make a buttery, flaky pie crust without even looking at a recipe, but turn biscuits into hockey pucks.
I want another hug, damn it! Even when I told you I didn’t want one and you knew I needed one, you still gave them. You were the only one I would let call me by that nickname because, coming from you, it just seemed to fit. I want to hear you side with me on an argument or even tell me I’m wrong. Hell, I’d be happy to have you yell at me, as long as you were here. I want to be able to talk to you about anything and everything like we did. I want to ooo and aah over dresses of different styles for each of us. You never cared that I was overweight, you pointed out things that you saw beautiful in me. I want to buy you stupid, silly things. I want to ask you to be my mother-in-law again. You wore the stuff I made you with pride even when I knew some of them weren’t your thing.
I want those conversations in the kitchen and I want to roll my eyes at your stories when the way you say something wasn’t exactly the way it happened. I want to discuss books and genres and goals. I want you to sigh and look at me sideways when I’ve said something stupid. I want you for every selfish reason I can think of, and can only think of the one reason for you to remain gone: You’re better off wherever you are. I can’t imagine you’d be anywhere with suffering. I wish you an eternity without pain and only joy. I’ll always miss you and love you.